So, they say “write what you want to read.” Here is what I wanted to read:
1. Get support for any addictions you may have. Whether it’s over eating, alcoholism or codependency, this shit is going to rear its ugly head when you face yet another set back (i.e. the document you have issued to the first migration officer isn’t complete enough for the third migration officer). Your support group will get you through this emotional mine before it starts becoming a destructive physical manifestation in your life. I don’t think I could stress how important this is to anyone. And if you are starting to notice things you used to control becoming uncontrollable under the stress, now is the time to seek support.
5. Inconvenience yourself for your mental health. The most upset I’ve ever been was after shopping at the local supermarket. The rudeness, staring and being shouted at by the checkout-grandma (because she was annoyed I didn’t use a basket without realising she had collected all of them behind her), left me weeping uncontrollably when I got home. I don’t shop in the heartlands any more. I shop in the expat supermarkets that cost twice the money, have enough shopping baskets and the other customers have witnessed a blonde female before. I’m going to stop taking the MRT in peak hour too. It’ll take me triple the time to get home after work, but at least I won’t have tears in my eyes after yet another short balding woman places her whole body against mine and proceeds to drop her dandruff on my clothes. Singapore has a balding dandruff problem in its female population, I kid you not!
6. Step up your personal presentation. Start for the vanity, keep going for the sanity. Exercise, get your hair looking fabulous every day, exfoliate, whiten your teeth, plan sharp outfits, throw out old underwear, polish your shoes. Captive animals can still groom themselves.
7. Break the loop of mulling over the short cuts you could have taken to make the change happen already. I don’t want to convert, but under the Sharia Law enforced in Singapore, I would have to convert if I wanted to marry my partner. It’s an easy wound to pick at with thoughts of how much faster this migration process would have been (and probably far less intrusive) if we just had been married first. It’s a stupid wound to pick at. Acceptance of this shit situation is only going to come from acceptance over the path taken, and this includes trusting that you really did try to make the smartest decisions you could at the time.
8. Explore ways to practice peace. The discontentment burning in my belly is making me a very angry person, and anger makes me a bitch that nobody likes to be around. Practicing peace right now seems such a foreign concept to me, I am so angry about so much of my life. Religion isn’t my thing either. So I look to a man that inspired me so much as a kid; Nelson Mandela. He’s going to become my patron saint of acceptance and practicing peace. He sat in that jail 27 years, and while I doubt he was at peace with the situation, we was a peaceful person in the situation. 27 years! I have some serious grace I could be channeling in my 3 year stint in Singapore. If you’re religious, now might be the time to dig for divine peace.
9. Pain is weakness leaving the body, your resilience will make you stronger but not happier. My time in Singapore is not bringing me much happiness. I am burnt out and in desperate need of some square meter space to myself! You would think my point before would mean that peace will increase my happiness. But no, peace is just accepting that my negative factor is high. There are two sides to happiness, the negativity and the positivity – they are not related, increasing one will not decrease the other, and increasing one will not increase the other. So making peace with the amount of negativity in my life isn’t going to increase the positivity. And this step is about making peace with the fact that the amount of positivity in my life will probably be jack shit, but that it’s ok. The change may never happen, and I may never be properly happy again – perhaps even worse case scenario I will have to choose between my partner in Singapore and my mental health. It’s ok not to be a cheery person all the time. It’s ok to be grateful for good things in your life and still feel neutral. You’ve made enough peace to ward off being unhappy, but now you’re also making peace with not being happy.
10. Refuse to let the shit situation make you a shit person. Serve others. Practice gratefulness. Give incredible gifts. Try to be polite in an impolite society. Laugh lots. Force yourself to smile for no reason. Look at photos of loved ones. Keep in touch with important people. Make birthday phone calls. Write funny FB statuses. Ask for help, and allow people to help you. Cook great meals. Drink fabulous cocktails. Dance around the house. Donate your spare change at the supermarket. Just do things that a normal good person does, that means they still have a beating pulse, a conscience and a purpose to live.
I’m living it, I really hope you’re not, but if you are, comment or email me. I’d love to hear how you have/are coping with limbo! Sharing is a service (look at point 10).